Three weeks ago I had a small accident. I had taken part in a local singing competition and, on leaving the stage, I slipped on the steps and landed on my back and arm. Adrenaline helped me to jump up and act as if nothing had happened but by the next morning I was in a lot of pain and hobbling significantly. A call to the GP resulted in a recommendation to keep moving and take painkillers but I was fairly certain that I had done myself some sort of major back injury. There was absolutely no bruising on my back and no evidence of any damage but I felt sore and very restricted in my movement.
My arm, on the other hand, was a very different matter. As well as significant throbbing, a large bruise soon sprang up. Like a child, I became slightly obsessed with showing it off and I was also pleased to have something to show after my body….and pride….had been injured.
As humans I think we like to have something to show when we are in pain; a trophy mark that people can see so that we don’t have to talk or explain, unless we want to. The mere sight of a bad bruise is enough to elicit a flurry of reaction: “Ooh, that looks painful!” “You poor thing!” “You must have really hit the ground hard!”
This too explains why mental struggles, because of their invisibility, can sometimes cause us such difficulties. You can look “so well” on the outside but be struggling enormously on the inside; there may be no emotional equivalent of the massive bruise to elicit empathy or understanding.
One of the hardest things for those suffering from anorexia can be the period after they have put on weight when people start to say “you look so much better” when in fact the thoughts and depression associated with the illness are still there. There is a fantastic campaign being led by Hope Virgo around this issue and I would strongly encourage you to sign her “Dump the Scales” campaign.
Three weeks on and the bruise has gone. This is amazing testimony to the body’s capacity to heal, when given time….and a bit of arnica and paracetamol. My back is much better too and had improved to such an extent that last week l managed to do two amazing walks along the West Highland Way with my son, albeit more slowly than I might have normally.
Just as our bodies have the magical capacity to heal, our minds and emotions do too when they have been hurt. Sometimes we may need the equivalent of arnica or painkillers while our recovery takes place and, for some, medication is a much needed part of recovery. In addition, however, we need time and empathy while we recover; if and when we have the courage to expose our psychological bruises, we need people who will accept that we are in the process of healing and will understand that we maybe need to walk a bit more slowly for a while.
I still have a tiny bump under the surface of the skin on my arm; it serves to remind me that I am not fully healed and that if I press too hard on that spot, it hurts.
One day soon, that will be gone too.
This book about healing will be free to download on Kindle tomorrow, Sunday 14th April.