Today I felt like myself.
In the song “Perfect Day”, Lou Reed sings:
“Just a perfect day
You made me forget myself
I thought I was someone else
But my issue, for many a month now, is that I haven’t been able to remember what being me is like. I haven’t wanted to forget myself but I haven’t been able to find the essence of me.
I’m still not sure what that’s been about. Why I have had a sense of being under the weather, out of sorts, exhausted, not me.
Maybe it’s been long covid. Maybe my ADHD. Maybe hormones. Maybe too much change at work. Maybe anxiety brought on by the state of the world. Maybe something else. Maybe all of it.
But for some reason, today, I felt like me, for the first time in a long time. I was able to watch and enjoy a film. I finished a novel. I felt able to sit and concentrate. And I felt an overwhelming sense of love and gratitude for the people in my life.
Who knows what tomorrow will bring. But whatever it brings, I am determined to face it as me. As someone good. Not as someone perfect because in seeking perfection we are destined to fail. But as someone who knows that I’m still in the game.