Ode to the army….

Today, by some miracle, was a miracle

Yesterday, as anticipated, a disaster

Tomorrow, anybody’s guess.

(Except that my brain is anticipating disaster so planning accordingly.)

Catastrophic thinking, they call it.

“Don’t worry!” they say.

“It is never as bad as you think!”

“I’m worried!” I say.

“It might be…”

And so I prepare, plan







And so on.

Little me had the energy

The sharp brain

The wiry physique

And an army of internal helpers

To fight against the catastrophe

Plans A to Z.

(Zed when resident here

Zee when resident in Big Bird’s land.)

But older me is getting rather tired

And with the tiredness, so the worry grows

Rather than decreasing

As I’d hoped.

Still never safe enough.

Still never good enough.

Still never me enough.

“What is the catastrophe, exactly?”

You ask.

I ask.

I answer

“An attack.

The sack.

Her lying.

Them dying.”

I could probably make an acrostic

A to Zed

A through Zee

For all the terrors deep in me.

And some have happened

Some have not.

But what….?

What if…..?

If true catastrophe

Might never happen in this life of mine

But happened long before

To those who




The best they could

To plaster over


Protect me from the terrors

They had known.

The war

The loss

The unimaginable horrors of a time

That no child would or could

Or should live through.

And so my army fights

As if defending

Against the horrors of the life

They’d lived.

The Wind has Blown

And here I am

He lied, she died

And here I am.

The things I’ve tried to fight against

Have happened nonetheless.

So now I try

A different way

To stem the flood

And heal the world.

Through words

And love

That tell a truth

And soothe that babe in song.

And so tomorrow, if it comes

Will be what it will be.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s